A month ago, when this blog was in the planning stage, I needed help. I knew that I wanted to write a blog. I knew what I wanted to say. I was committed to daily writing. I just didn't know "how to blog." How did i set it up? Would it cost me money? Did I need hosting and all? Etc. Etc.

What did I do? I called my trusted FOJ, Marc, who I knew had a blog years ago. I've known Marc nearly 20 years. We've seen each other grow and change. But we've never been on a date. We've never done anything even remotely romantic. And there's nothing wrong with him, he's cute, he's smart, works hard, etc.

That started me thinking--I have MANY guy friends that I have that platonic thing with--Marc, Drake, Mooney, Kelly,et al. We hang out. We have deep, meaningful conversations. We know wayyy too much about each other's personal business. Yet, I still hear, often, that men and women can NOT be just friends. Am I an anomaly?

And another thing--IF I am an anomaly, then clearly my husband is as well. He has many friends of the opposite sex as well. In fact, many of them call him with their issues and problems, and he helps them figure it out. I don't mind at all. He is very good at solving things.

To me, a friend is a friend, no matter what gender, race, religious affiliation, or sexual orientation. True friendship is such a gem to find, why limit it to only folks of the same sex? Guy friends have given me different perspectives on things. Nobody better to help you interpret the actions of a guy than a guy, right?

There are those that say that there's always one person in the platonic relationship that really wants to be more than friends. Somehow I don't think so. I don't think any of my guy friends are hiding secret desires for me. Maybe my glasses are too rosy, but I just don't see it.

So..AM I an anomaly? Can men and women be "just friends?" Am I fooling myself? Do you have any friends of the opposite sex? Are you secretly harboring romantic feelings towards them? Please share.

Your comments, priceless!
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6 Responses
  1. Marc Lowery Says:

    This is such a touchy subject for most people these days. it is so funny you brought this up. When we met, of course by me not being blind, I found you attractive. But, it truly was a platonic friendship,and if I do recall,my first such one. It wasn't like you were "one of the guys" either. To me, it was the fact that you were and still are a wonderful friend. I mean how often do you come across someone who is a "TRUE" friend, and you were that one for me. Thank you for the kind words and I am so glad to be an FOJ 4 LIFE!!!

  2. catladysd Says:

    Most definitely they can, Jewel. I, also have a number of male friends.

    I think however, that you must be confident in who you are, whether male or female and not need validation from the opposite sex to define yourself. Once you are comfortable with who you are in relationship to the world at large, then friendships with different people be they same sex or not can be established to whatever level you fill in each other's lives.

    I know there are many who do not agree with this, but it works for me :)

  3. Lil Ejypt ~ Eden Says:

    Girl! Great topic. I have seven brothers. I have always had a number of male friends and yes, some of them started out wanting something more or different. But I have several male friends who are like brothers, just friends-nothing romantic. And I enjoy those relationships. At the same time, I know several men and a few women who have difficulty JUST being friends. I think the validation issue comes into play in a big way for these people. We all love to be validated, that's normal. But there is a difference between enjoying validation and never being able to get enough validation. It's definitely a self-esteem issue. There was a time in my life when I was one of those women who needed for men to drool over me in order to make me feel beautiful and worthy. I have always been told that I'm beautiful and sexy and smart. I have not always believed that, however. I had to grow up inside of myself, emotionally and spiritually to be able to see that beauty myself. Today I am most grateful for my inner beauty, the beauty that will not fade. I am grateful today to have learned how to find my validation inside and not outside of myself...It's about who I am and what I'm about. And as a result, my relationships with both men and women have taken on a different value, a different flavor. It's a beautiful thing!

  4. ~sunshine~ Says:

    I am of the opinion that folks who doubt the ability of others to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex are really projecting. They, themselves, couldn't see having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, and therefore think that nobody else could, either.

    I think you have to be a certain kind of person - not better than, just different than - in order to have successful friendships with people of the opposite sex. I don't see it being an issue, but then most of my friends are males. I have dated guys who were HORRIFIED that I had male friends, and some of those friendships suffered. Lesson learned.

    You are not an anomaly, just an extraordinarily down-to-earth and realistic chick! And I love you for that!

  5. cmiles Says:

    I totally understand friendships with the opposite sex. I work with men mostly, I grew up with three brothers who had loads of friends, that I became friends with as well. So this is nothing new for me. I love my female friends just as dearly. I love having several ways of looking at a situation, and depending on what the issue, nothing like getting different perspectives from someone you like and trust, whether male or female.

  6. LUVA Says:

    Yes we can have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. The majority of my friends are male and I'm grateful for them.

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