This question was posed to me a few days ago. Can a single woman raise a boychild to be a man? And for once, (marking this date down), I'm not sure. I'm torn--I see both sides of the coin.

On one hand, I know that I could teach him how to do the things that I know how to do, but who would expose him to "manly" things that I have no knowledge of--like fishing, and tinkering around with cars, and comic books, and most importantly--how to treat women? Of course I could teach him how women want to be treated, but am I teaching him from a woman's stance? Is there a difference in how a man would go about the same lesson? What if the girls want to fish too? Is there really any such thing as "manly"?

Can an uncle or grandfather or scoutmaster or pastor or neighbor fill in? Do you have to be in the same household? I'm going to think about this further and post again this weekend on this topic. Let me know your views..

Your comments--priceless!

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6 Responses
  1. catladysd Says:

    Folks seem to have strong opinions on issues like this. I believe anything is possible. I think there are so many resources out there to help. And i also think many things are catergorized as a male or female activity or trait when really gender isn't a factor. I myself love to camp and fish, shoot hoops and crochet!

    I do think if you are a single parent of an opposite sex child you must be diligent in recognizing areas where their needs might not be met and find resources to help you meet them.


  2. BIGDADEWAKE Says:

    THE ANSWER TO THIS GREAT QUESTION IS RELATIVELY SIMPLE IN NATURE BEACUSE ANYONE CAN RAISE A GOOD MAN/WOMAN BY FIRST RECOGNIZNG THAT TO EITHER ONE YOU HAVE TO BE A GOOD HUMAN BEING. THE ATTRIBUTES REQUIRED TO BE A GOOD HUMAN BEING ARE INEXTRICABLE ENTERTWINED WITH THOSE NEEDED TO BE A GOOD HUMAN SO THEY CAN BE TAUGHT BY EITHER GENDER. I AM A BYPRODUCT OF A SINGLE PARENT AFTER THE DEMISE OF MY PARENT'S MARRIAGE AND I WAS IMBUED WITH THE IDEALS OF BEING A GOOD FATHER/SON/MAN BY HER INTRANSIGENCE OF ME NOT BEING A GOOD HUMAN BEING. HER STRENGTH OF CHARACTER/SELF MADE ME NEVER WANT TO DISAPPOINT HER OR TO LET MYSELF BECOME LEE THAN SHE THOUGHT I WOULD OR COULD BD. SHE TAUGHT ME MORE OF WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A GOOD MAN THAN ANY MAN I HAVE EVER COME IN CONTACT WITH. I LEARNED TO BE A GOOD REPRESENTATIVE OF MY FAMILY, COMMUNITY, ANCESTRY AND COUNTRY UNDER HER TUTELAGE. MOTHERS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE LINCHPIN AND FULCRUM OF LEARNING/LOVE/FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS SO TO SAY THAT A WOMAN CAN'T TEACH HER SON TO BE A GOOD MAN IS LUDICROUS AND SHORTSIGHTED. TO SAY THAT A MOTHER CAN'T TEACH A BOY TO BE A MAN DOES A DISSERVICE TO OUR HISTORICAL SITUATION WHERE MILLIONS HAVE BEEN RAISED BY A SINGLE MOTHER WHEN THE MEN WE EITHER STOLEN OR SOLD AWAY. SO I WILL LET THAT BE MY DEFINITIVE STATEMENT ON THE SUBJECT AS A GREAT CLOSING.


  3. Quick answer--sure, but it is different. DIfferent does not have to be worse.

    There are many single mothers that raise their kids. While you can make a case for a two parent home being a better option, there are millions of women that are responsible for the development of boys.

    Sure the lessons are taught differently from women and men, but the lessons still exist. The memories that get imprinted in the child will differ, but the same is true for two kids of the same gender in a dual parent home. Some siblings have some similar views on things, but many differ due to the influence of many things including--other friends, activities, family dynamics (including birth order), personalities, and goals.

    If 10 people in a room paint a picture of the same model, you get 10 different pictures. You will probably be able to look at the pictures, talk with the 10 artists and understand things about the pictures. Some pictures would be a total mystery, even once explained. I would say the same about 10 people raising a child.


  4. My Life Says:

    This is a very touchesh subject on raising a male child, yes a woman can raise a boy to be a man...it have happened before and will continue.


  5. Foxxy Says:

    I thought I would reply since I raised my eldest child as a single mom mostly. I think its possible. No I didn't teach him how to fish or any of that but I personally don't think any of that is a quality of being a man. I will share a text I received from my son last year. It makes me cry every time I read it.

    J@ck@L W@ltoN
    Jekhile (6:41 am): Goodmorning! Happy mothers day i love you!

    Shefronia (6:32 pm): Just got your text, my phone was dead. I love u too. Mother's day is next month lol
    Jekhile (6:35 pm): Haha I know but when u have a mommy like i do mothers day should be everyday! :-)
    Shefronia (6:34 pm): ahhhhhh thank u
    Jekhile (6:37 pm): No thank you!
    Shefronia (6:35 pm): :-D
    Jekhile (6:39 pm): I just wanna thank you for beingEXTRA EXTRA strict even though i hated it now that i have have freedom i know how to act and conduct my self in a mature fashion
    Jekhile (6:41 pm): I just wntd u to know that you raised a fantastic young man and he loves you unconditionally for that reason
    Shefronia (6:40 pm): u r making me cry:-((
    Jekhile (6:45 pm): Dont cry smile you should be verVERY proud cuz u did a good job and im glad god blessed me with a mother of your quality! :-D


  6. ugmolicious Says:

    The question, "Can a single woman raise a boychild to be a man", is an interesting one. While, as Catladysd writes, "Anything is possible".....the stark reality states that it is not often probable. I must also add that the "Folly Of Fantasy is No Match For the Mess of Reality".
    However, I suppose the level of success of this endeavour is determined by how you define a "man".
    It seems, by today's definition, that all a male has to do is reach the age of majority (18 in most states, 21 in others) and he is considered to be a man. It does not take into account if he is responsible for the welfare of his children (financially), living independently on his own, being responsible for his own bills, taking responsibility for his own mistakes, etc; or..........living at home in his mama's basement with no job, playing video games, with his baby's mama and children in tow.
    Yes, this is the messy reality!!!
    Let's be realistic!! While, there are some Mothers who are fastidious and strict enough to raise a a boy into full manhood......most are not up to the task.
    These are the same Mothers that you see on the local late breaking news running beside the police cruiser, hollering, "My Baby is a Good Boy."
    They still see this grown man as their "baby"........although,"baby"
    has about as much ambition to be a man as a hound dog does that just won't hunt (sitting on his tail all day eating up all your dog food, and can't catch rabbit to save his life).
    I was recently on a flight with a young brother from DC who is an entertainment Attorney. We had an extremely vigourous conversation in flight (so much so, until I hardly realized we were in the air). He intimated to me that he was on his way to pick up his son from his "ex" lover and that he was on pins and needles because he feared that the Mother would change her mind at the last minute. He was concerned about how she was raising his son and that the Mother had instructed the son that he did not have to be "tough". He bristled at the prospect of his son being too soft or as he put it....."effeminate". This is the concern of a Man who sees the necessity of providing his son with adequate tools to operate in a world that is not friendly to an ill-prepared male.
    Now, before I receive the label of being misogynistic, let me state that I love women who hold their sons to the task of being a better man, and I admire their accomplishments.
    But, now, having said that.....a Woman cannot teach a young boy how to be a Man, no more than a Man can teach a young girl how to be a Woman.
    I think one would be hard pressed to find this ridiculous assertion in any other culture but our own.
    Why is it so difficult to admit that there are certain things we cannot do??? Is it counterproductive to the process to include your son's Father in his life (provided he is willing)?
    What is wrong with acknowledging that a man who was/is a role model can assist in helping your young son become a man?
    However, I must issue a disclaimer: Just because your "new" man looks good in his jeans does not make him a role model for your son.
    With so many of our young men in jail, drug or alcohol dependent, unemployed, uneducated, or playing for the other team (y'all know what I mean).........is it unintelligent to raise questions that pertain to many of these shortcomings.
    After all......this is not about a card/board game where the person who has the most chips wins. This is about a life and the future of us all.


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