What steps are you taking to prepare for a time when you are no longer able to care for yourself? Do you have it all planned out? Or have you never even given it a thought?
My family is living this issue right now-trying to care for a relative that isn't in the best of health(both mentally and physically) while that relative is fighting every decision tooth and nail(again both mentally and physically). It's tough trying to make decisions without legal rights. It's even tougher when you can't get help from doctors, attorneys, and even other family members.
I pray that I never become a burden to my family. I hope that when the time comes, that I'm able, at least financially, to provide for myself. It's hard to see the most senior of our clan, become an obligation to those who are already cash strapped. While I know, without doubt, that my husband and children would make sure I was properly cared for, why would I want to put that kind of stress on them? Why would I not prepare by giving someone power of attorney, activating a living will, if I so desire, and letting my wishes for disposing of my earthly body be known?
Is this morbid--to think about death? Or is this good common sense? You decide...
Your comments--priceless!!
You know, that's a necessary thought process...my Mom just passed last August. She was in and out of the hospital, stayed with my brother for a while, and then in a nursing home...she spent her last few weeks in the hospital. She let us know she wanted to be cremated and where she wanted to be scattered...(At the Rose Gardens in Balboa Park, here in San Diego). And you know, my Mom was on a fixed income from Social Security for years. But somehow, she managed to put away enough cash, yes C-A-S-H (check this out...she had it stashed in her filing cabinet in a file marked 'Ethics'--she said she figured her family would never look in there, hahaha)...anyway, she had enough cash saved in that file and a couple of other hiding places to cover all costs and leave each of her five kids about $900.00. I was very impressed with that. She didn't have much, but what she left me was the most valuable thing ever...all of her photographs. We need to plan for our passing.
I am going through this right now. My mom has dementia and she is not walking well. My 89yr old stepdad is trying his best to take care of her. They have paid for in home care, but my mother will not have it. It is really placing undue hardship and burden on my stepdad. I have offered to have her come with us, but she does not want to do that either. Each day, she looses more and more of her memory, but has not lost her stubborness. I pray I do not place a burden or hardship on my family as well. I understand not wanting to go to a convelesent home...but, I would not mind assisted living. I pray we have enough money to buy in one of those swinging senior citizen complexes.
Oh....my mom and stepdad also own in one of those complexes, but she says there are too many white people there...lol
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I, too, am going through this with my mom and it is difficult because she is so far away. The day to day burden falls on my sister. I'm going out again the 17th, each time i go she is frailer and and the memory is worse. She too, refuses at this point to go into a home so we have a daycare worker for her.
Hopefully, the plans i have made or myself will work out and i won't have to rely on my children, even though baby girl says i'm gonna come live with her. Nice to know that is an option but i hope i never have to do that.
I took care of my mother for 4 years. She didn't want it that way. Neither did I. All the things she thought would happened didn't. Those that would handle her business betrayed her. Nursing homes don't work for daughters and parents. Daughters can't stand them.Plan as much as you can and then Pray.
Cash wasn't our problem; taking care of her was. I gave up my life to do it. It was not heroic; it was necessary. In your preparations, leave room for the necessary. Love overules preparations.
This is a really hard thing to deal with. A few years ago my grandmother had the problem with my grandfather...who had alzheimer's. She did not want him to go into a nursing facility, until she knew that she couldn't control his violent temper that would spark because of the disease. Even when she did put him in a facility, she faithfully would be there everyday, even after he no longer knew who he or she was, until he died. I dont think she ever got over the guilt of having to put him in a nursing home.
My family had this discussion a few years ago when the Terri Schavo case in the news. We did it at Thanksgiving dinner when all the family was in one place. My mother, sister and I wrote down and discussed what we wanted and did not want in the event we were not able to speak for ourselves. My adult neice and nephew were also apart of the discussion. Decisions were made about who would be the primary person responsible for my mother as well as the location of important documents for all 3 of us. It was a true learning experience for all of us. But most importantly, it gave us peace of mind.
Sinfully,
That was a great idea.
Being a nurse I'm quite sure you seen and heard some of the most heart wrenching stories.
I talk to my patients and family daily about being prepared and the love one's safety should be the primary concern.
Now as far as my family is concerned, whew! I've tried many times to have dicussion w/my mother and son on these subjects. I try to make them aware everyone should be prepared. My mother is more receptive to discussion. My son is like a brick wall. So I talk to my friends and put something in writing just in case.